I'm Back, Kids!

Hey, everyone!

It's been eight months since I last posted and my, how life has changed since then. But first, shout out to all my Serbian, Russian, and German spam followers who have stuck with me through these times. Love you guys. Keep spammin'.
Curious as to what's changed past few months? Wonder no longer! Here are the four biggest changes I've undergone:

1) I graduated from high school...

me in my glory days. behold the scholarliness!

2) ...and I live in Vermont!

only a two-minute walk from my room!

3) I no longer dress as food for Halloween!

(daphne's the mystery)

4) I'm in an AWESOME band!

Zale the Whale and the Rest of Had 5

Do you like what you see? Wanna hear more about my glamorous life? Stay tuned!

Pie

Update: As you can see, my last post did not work. Yes, I removed the brackets. Remind me not to pursue studies in anything technological.

Anyway, yesterday I did homework on my snow day (shocker!!)
Pretty much, the assignment was to draw a pie chart, and for extra credit, you could say what type of pie describes you and why.
Here was my issue: I don't like pie. I don't like much of anything tbh, but I really don't like pie. I ended up saying cheescake is the type of pie that describes me best. Little did I, and I bet you, know that cheesecake's family is actually one of the greatest debates in the desert world. So I assumed the risk, and went on to say that I am cheesecake, and that it is pie. Now, the whole time walking to my class, I was all, "omg he's going to think I'm an idiot 'cause I said cheesecake is a pie omg."
I was pretty shaky.
I walked into class and handed in my paper.
I sat down in my chair and waited for him to discuss the assignment.
Then he opens his mouth: "You know what, kids? I hate pie. Cake is the way to go."

Some would argue the moral of the story is something like, "b urself," but I say the moral of the story is that cake rox.

Trying New Things

I've never embedded anything before! Let's see if this works:



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How to Tell if You're a Hipster

For all hipsterical intents and purposes (see, new words, that's hipster), I'll be writing this guide in the negative.

1. You're probably not a hipster if you don't have a vinyl LP library.

2. You're probably not a hipster if your fingers aren't green from your excessive use of rings.

3. If you've showered any time within the past three days, you're probably not a hipster.

4. You're probably not a hipster if you've ever used the word "hipster."

5. If you use glasses, it's probably because you can't see, and not because you're hipster.

6. If you wear fake glasses, you're definitely not a hipster.

7. You're probably not a hipster if you drive a car.

8. You're probably not a hipster if you aren't an active member of the Green Party.

9. If you're not vegan, you probably aren't hipster either.

10. Do you hate wearing mom jeans? Then you're not a hipster. 

11. You're not hipster if you live in the suburbs.

12. Actually, you're probably not a hipster if you don't live in Williamsburg.

13. Unless you use irony ironically, sorry, but you're not a hipster.

14. If you wear ugly sweaters, it's because you have bad taste and not because you're hipster.

15. If your sarcasm makes people cry, well hey, you might be a little hipster. Or just a really mean person but hey

Long Time No Post

A lady at the grocery store yelled at me for not answering her question. I couldn't figure out how to tell her that I don't work at Giant... I just wanted some gum...

It's 11:18 and I Haven't Started My Homework

I was talking to one of my dearest friends, when we came to the realization that our lives have just gone downhill since freshman year.
Just recently, I learned that my life is so meaningless to the point that I can't even pass those spam filters. That's right, the internet thinks I'm spam. I was rejected by the Internet, not once, not twice, but three times within the last 10 minutes.
Other reasons why my life sucks:
I always thought I was the favorite child. But no, in the past 5 years, my dad has sent me a total of 1 text message. I always text him, but he never answers me. I thought he was just a busy guy, but no, apparently he's not too preoccupied because he's constantly texting my sister:
         My sister: hey
         My dad: hey
         My sister: what's up dad?
         My dad: watching Netflix
         My sister: I'm going to teach you how to text like cool ppl
In addition, not too long ago, I realized I used to be cool. Then I joined marching band. No, not even matching band, I joined the color guard. Since then, I've had random bruises all over my body, and I managed to hit my lip in a way that even my dentists are worrying about my safety. I can't yawn without nearly crying.
I'm also just going to put this out there, I'm terrible at the violin. They should have made me stop when I walked into my first lesson in third grade holding my violin upside-down, ready to play.
Oh, I'm also struggling to keep a decent grade in ENGLISH CLASS. What is this?! How is it that I understand THE CALCULUS more than english?
I cant walk in a straight line
My favorite pen died
My favorite pen was discontinued
I don't know what day it is
I still haven't started homework

More self-deprecation to come later, folks

The Usual

Here's a picture of me being a cannibal